➡️  CheckMate | Friday 29 September | The final fortnight  ⬅️

I can’t stress this enough, dear friends. If you’re settled on a “No” vote in the approaching Voice Referendum, to protect your country from being rent asunder on racial apartheid lines like you read in that blog link your mate sent you, then you must not read this analysis. If you so much as click on the above link, there will be no going back. A Chinese bot will immediately be released and installed in the inner recesses of your brain via your device’s camera and your left retina. You won’t feel any human sentiment at first, so that at least is something. But you will know your fate when you start tasting Yongfeng chili sauce and begin thinking in perfect Cantonese.

It won’t stop there, I’m afraid. Before you know it, and without so much as a mouse-click, the Chinese Communist Party will swipe $400 from your bank account and a courier in a red truck will deliver your CCP Membership card, a packet of 2-minute noodles and a complimentary print edition of Chairman Mao’s “Little Red Book”.  

As you release the seal on the package a second bot embedded in a microchip made in Wuhan will imperceptibly implant itself under the nail of your left index finger. 48 hours later you will be able to give your print copy of the Red Book to your next-door neighbour, for their indoctrination. You will no longer need it since you can now recite the entire contents of said book in perfect bot-generated English.

All of the above will be merely the start of your new life as a raving loony neo-Marxist commie secretly working for the UN against Australian sovereignty. And next thing you know you’ll be thinking about listening to Indigenous Australians, as if they’re human like you.

How do I know all this? Well I’m your mate. You shouldn’t need to ask. But there was this scribbled note someone obviously dropped under the counter in the local Chinese takeaway …

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

#satire