I understand football now

Friday 8 October 2004 11:48 AM

I've never attended a football final, nor even one of those other games titled in honour of an evening soapie. Strange, but surely apt. The game has remained entirely a mystery to me. However now they've moved from the field to the saleyards, I think I'm beginning to see... It appears somewhat like those card games we played at recess in primary school. A deft flick of the wrist sends your trading card spinning above the asphalt toward the wall. Let's see .. there was "closest to the wall", where you collected all your opponents cards if yours was in front. Then there was "on-tops", where if a card of yours landed right on top of the other bloke's, you got his as well. All sounds rather like what they do at the G to me. And then there was trading in between competition. Familiar, eh? You could just swap card for card. But if you were a serious contender you'd consider swapping one of your top-performing cards with reinforcing tape around the edges, for at least four of someone else's. The kid with the most cards at the end of term was king of the sandpit. I understand football now.